Know Your Stars! Furuba Style!
by Konnichiwa Minna
Summary: Parody. Crack humor. Know Your Stars! Get to know your favourite Fruits Basket characters! Told by an awesome, sarcastic, yet strange sounding, announcer. Victim III: Momiji Sohma! R&R!
1. Victim I: Kyou Sohma

**Author's Notes: **Hey, uh, I decided to do 'Know Your Stars' for Fruits Basket, 'cause I thought it might be funny! For those who haven't heard of it, it's from a show called 'All That' and it's really funny. You might not understand this fic or find it at all funny if you haven't watched it before… Anyway, I got this idea from mewmewice, so my inspiration comes from her!

I really need opinions about this fic, so please review!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own 'Know Your Stars,' 'Fruits Basket,' or even the idea of this fic.

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**Know Your Stars**

**Victim I: Kyou Sohma**

**By: Konnichiwa Minna**

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_Know your stars… Know your stars… Know your stars… Kyou enjoys bathing in the nude with Yuki._

Kyou gritted his teeth and looked suspisciously around the strange room.

"WHAT THE HELL? WHO SAID THAT!? THAT'S NOT TRUE! I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN!!"

_Okay. Kyou enjoys bathing in the nude with_ _Yuki._

Flames burst in his eyes.

"YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY MAD!! WHO, IN THEIR RIGHT MIND, WOULD BATHE IN THE NUDE WITH YUKI!?! I WOULD NEVER!!!!" he yelled in complete and utter anger.

_Kyou loves his leeks._

"WHAT THE HELL!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!? OBVIOUSLY, YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL!!!!" he replied, his face reddening.

_Kyou picks his nose when he's taking a picnic._

He clenched his fists and scowled.

"FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T TAKE PICNICS! AND, EVEN IF I DID, WHICH I DEFINITELY DON'T, I WOULD NEVER EVER PICK MY GOD DAMN NOSE!"

_Sure. We all believe that… Nose-Picker likes stalking Tohru._

"WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT NICKNAME!?! IS THAT THE BEST YOU GOT!? HUH!?!?" he shouted, putting up his fists in a fighting stance.

_Obviously, he stalks Tohru… he didn't deny it, did you Kyou-chan?_

Scoffing, he looked around the room again.

**"**OH, YOU'RE DEAD MEAT ONCE I FIND YOU! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?!? SHOW YOURSELF, YOU WIMP, AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!!!!!"

_Kyonichi has taken a strange liking to Shigure. He sleeps in his bed on weekends._

Kyou picked up the only chair in the room, and randomly threw it, hoping it would somehow hit his target.

"YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!? YOU'RE AS BAD AS THE DAMN RAT!! I WILL KILL YOU, ONCE I FIND YOU, I SWEAR!!!!!!"

_Kyon-Kyon has decided that he will start taking Anger Management classes next Monday._

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT I HAVE DECIDED! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!! STOP SAYING ALL THIS SHIT AND SHUT UP!" he yelled with all his might.

_Now you know Kyou, the nude bathing with Yuki, leeks loving, nose-picking, picnic taking, stalker, who has taken a strange liking to Shigure and sleeps with him on weekends. Oh, and he also has decided to take Anger Management classes starting next Monday. That decision is final._

_**"ARGH!!!"**_

_**This broadcast has been removed due to extreme violence and language not suitable for a younger audience.**_

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**Author's Notes: **Grr… I'm sort of annoyed, because I had to re-type all this, because it closed down on me! Argh!! Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed this fic. By the way, I'm sorry that I've been writing so many parody fics... it's just that I've been on a Parody/Humor writing spree, which is why some of this may be super random and weird!

Comments/Question/Suggestions/Compliments/Flames are accepted!

Review please!

:D

_Konnichiwa Minna_

**-X- I have another Furuba fic, if anyone is interested! Also, I have Tokyo Mew Mew, Naruto, and Gakuen Alice fics, too! Please check them out! And review! -X-**

**Edit: **This fic has been edited. Originally was script, but script is not allowed on FFnet, so I hope this format is okay. Thanks to Mayuko-chan for pointing out that the previous format was not allowed.


	2. Victim II: Shigure Sohma

**Author's Notes: **Honestly, I'm kind of nervous, because I am afraid to disappoint the reviewers. I'm worried that this chapter won't be as funny or good as the previous. And if it isn't, let me know where I went wrong. So if it totally sucks, I can rewrite it, I suppose.

Thank you so much for all your kind & inspiring reviews! I don't know what would happen if I reached a hundred reviews… I would probably jump off a building and fly! If 11 reviews can make me so happy, imagine what more can do! Anyway, your reviews made me ecstatic! Thank you so much to the following wonderful, amazing, awesome, inspiring, cool, lovely reviewers:

- Tenpa-Neko

- HaydenEvans

- Ducky1414

- RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl

- Kish's Kittie

- Mayuko-Chan

- KyokoHonda49

- mousecat

- Kyoru-4-eva

- TheMagicalWho

- Sugar Sprite

**I love your reviews so much! They make me want to cry with joy!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gakuen Alice or Know Your Stars. I own the weird statements that the announcer says, though! Haha.

Anyway, on with the story! (Is this even considered a story…? I doubt it.)

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**Know Your Stars **

**Victim II: Shigure Sohma**

**By: Konnichiwa Minna**

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_Know Your Stars… Know Your Stars… Know Your Stars… Shigure Sohma… he sleeps with Kyou-chan._

With a perverted smile on his face, Shigure chuckled, then calmly spoke, "Even if I wanted to sleep with Kyonichi, I don't think he would let me! Besides, if I were to sleep with someone it would be high school girls!"

_Liar... Kyou-chan even confirmed the previously stated fact._

"Really? Maybe he was telling you what was in his dreams. Anyway, I much rather sleep with my flower! But I don't think Kyonichi would allow that. What a shame," Shigure rambled, saying the last statement more to himself.

_At night, Shigure dreams of high school boys._

"I cannot deny that your statement is true!" he replied not fully focused, therefore hearing what he wanted to hear, instead of what was really told.

A couple of seconds later, the announcer's words registered in his mind.

"What? Excuse me, I think you may have mistaken your statement. It's girls. High school _girls_!" he corrected, perverted thoughts still crossing his mind.

_Shigure hates Ayame and bullies Hatori._

"Whaaatttttt? I do not! Don't believe him Aya-chan! Tori-chan! They're lies, I tell you! Lies! Tori-chaaannnnn, tell him I don't bully youuuu! And Ayaaaaaa, Gure-chan doesn't hate you! You are the pillar of my heart…" he yelled to the camera and into the microphone, then retreating and sulking in a corner.

_He enjoys studying… his mousepad._

Shigure looked up from his corner, and simply stated, "That was random and untruee! You're booorrrriiinnngg and mean!"

_Shigure the bully always pulls pranks on his editor._

"I don't pull pranks on her! I just like joking around with her…"

_The poor editor… This prankster licks_ _frogs._

"Eh? I think I misheard you. I lick frogs? You're meeeeeeaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn! How could you say such things! You're cold!" Shigure wailed, sobbing.

_He puts spiders on his toast and fingernails on his pancakes…_

"Eww! That's gross! Aya-chan, save me!" he whined some more.

_Spidey sucks on his grandma's toes._

But Shigure was no longer listening. He was wailing and sulking and deperately searching for a way out of the room and into his beloved's arms.

SUCCESS! Shigure ran out the door and took a taxi to Ayame's shop.

"… and then I finally managed to escape and jump into your arms!"

"Wonderful story!" Ayame exclaimed, giving Shigure a thumbs up, tears of joy and pride streaming down his face for his dear perverted friend.

…

Too bad none of that really happened. Shigure had just been daydreaming. Sigh.

_Shigure sucks his thumb when he is scared…_

The voice made it back into Shigure's ear range.

"Wha – WHAT!? Who told you that!? That's a, uh, lie! What a terrible lie! I'm never scared, anyway, so it doesn't make a difference. I don't do that, though!" Shigure protested, chuckling nervously.

_Now You know Shigure, the lying, high school boys dreaming, Ayame hating, mousepad studying, frog licking, toast with spider eating, fingernails on pancake devouring, grandma toe sucking prankster, who pranks his editor and bullies his friend, Hatori. Did I mention he sucks his thumb when he's scared? Well, he does._

"You only said lies! You're sooooooooo meeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!! Aya-chaaaannnnnnn, Tori-chaaaaannnnnnnnnn!!!" he continued weeping.

**_And so we leave our dear Gure-chan in the room to weep, while the rest of us leave and go do something else to occupy our precious time._**

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**Author's Notes: **Okay, I'm seriously freaking out here! Please tell me it's as good as the first, or I'll die!! If it's not, though, please, seriously tell me where I went wrong! I don't think I ever worried so much about a story before! I really, REALLY hope this satisfies and pleases everyone! Especially the previous reviewers and those who added my story to their alert and favourite stories list!

Constructive criticism & even flames will be accepted for this chapter.

Although, I suggest you don't flame, if you don't want a HUGE lecture from me. And even if you anonymously review, you will still receive a lecture, the only difference is, everyone can read my lecture, because I would post it in the next chapter. Just a warning. You can still flame, though. Just remember:

**Flame at your own risk.**

MWAHAHAHA! Lol, -ahem- excuse me. I went a little crazy there. Ahaha.

Reviews, please?

_Konnichiwa Minna_

**P.S. **I doubt anyone cares, but I actually got some things Shigure said from the actual manga. I used actual quotes from the manga, because I wanted to try and maintain his true personality. I hope it worked.


	3. Victim III: Momiji Sohma

**Author's Notes: **Ahh! It's been a while! I hope you don't hate me for the super late update! High school is kind of hectic, you know? Well, at least, for me it is. Anyway, this is Momiji's chapter. But I warn you now, this is probably not funny. At all. Sorry! It's hard to make Momiji funny, 'cause he doesn't blow up like Kyou, or act perverted like Shigure. Momiji's more cute than funny. But... I tried my best. Forgive me if this is truly horrible. Next will be Yuki. I'm hoping he will be funnier. Or else you readers/reviewers will probably stop reading/reviewing. And that will shatter my tiny heart!

Anyway, I'm sure you'd rather read the fic, than these notes, but as I warned before, you will probably regret reading this chapter.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Fruits Basket, it would have never ended, because I take ages to update, sometimes. Not to mention, I'd probably screw it up and everyone would hate me. Phew. Authors have a hard job. Mess something up, and receive complaints. Life's hard. Anyway, in case you didn't know, I just rambled to prove my point that I absolutely do NOT own Fruits Basket.

Let the torture begin!

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**Know Your Stars! Furuba Style!**

**Victim III: Momiji Sohma**

**By: Konnichiwa Minna**

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_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Momiji Sohma... He likes licking dust off of ancient bookshelves._

"Eh? Who said that? What is this room? I thought Tohru would be here!" Came the sweet, innocent reply, of an adorable blond.

_You thought wrong... Momiji... he's got an odd habit of narrating Kyon-Kyon's pathetic life._

"Kyo-chan's? Nope! I don't narrate people's lives. If I was to do so, I would narrate Tohru!" he replied, giggling like a girl.

_Kyon-Kyon's narrator... he picks Ayame's nose and ears._

"Eww! No I don't!" Momiji wailed, childishly.

_Often, he can be found professing his unrequited love to the dead skin floating about in the air._

"No!! Tohru-chan, help me get away from this scary old man!" he whined, flailing his arms about aimlessly.

_Momiji... is actually an old perverted man, who stalks both sexes, animals, and even inanimate objects._

"Ehhh!? Why are you lying!! I hate liars! Let me out of this creepy place!" Momiji ran about, tapping on walls, looking desperately for a secret exit.

... Unfortunately, to Momiji's demise - and the announcer's pleasure - his plan failed miserably and left him weeping to himself on the hard, cold floor.

_This bisexual stalker can often be found frolicking in the meadows and collecting dog poop._

"You really are just a big meanie! ... Although, I do enjoy running about in fields! And wearing skirts are fun, too! The breeze is pleasant!" He exclaimed innocently, giggling.

The announcer chuckled slightly, at Momiji's silly confession.

_Blondie... he really is just a dumb blond._

"Wahh!? That's not true! And blond(e)s aren't dumb! I bet you're just jealous!" he argued in frustration - no one insults Momiji's hair!

Momiji began getting bored of the evil announcer, and started climbing the curtains. He had to keep himself preoccupied in order not to be bored - and to ignore the announcer.

_Momiji's best friend is Mr. Robotto - his invisible friend..._

_He may look young and innocent, but Momiji has, in fact, made out with his invisible friend..._

_Momiji beats the crap out of Yuki - he packs one powerful punch..._

_Crap-beater sucks at ignoring me. You can see steam coming from his ears..._

_Steamy is extremely stupid. The exit is under his nose and he still can't see it..._

_Momiji is more stupid than imaginable. He actually looked under his nose... (The announcer snickered)_

These, and many more, were just a few of the insults the announcer threw at Momiji. He ignored most of them, though, and continued climbing the curtain.

This went on for a while, until Tohru came to the rescue! She thrust the door, which appeared out of nowhere, open and clumsily entered the now damaged room. She looked around, finding loads of scratches (presumably from Momiji), ripped curtains, and Momiji near the top of the very high ceiling.

"This isn't the girl's washroom... is it," Tohru stated, rather than asked, in an embarrassed and awkward tone.

"Am I disturbing anything?" she innocently asked.

"Tohru!" Momiji hollered, jumping down and landing on the wooden surface, not very gracefully, I might add.

He zoomed over to her leaping on top of her, hugging her to death.

"You came to save me!" he squealed in delight, apparently not hearing what she previously said.

The announcer must have felt forgotten and left out, for he decided to speak up.

_Now you know, Momiji, the dust-licking, Kyon-Kyon's pathetic life narrating, Ayame's nose and ear-picking, unrequited dead skin loving, perverted old man... who stalks both sexes, animals, and even inanimate objects. But it doesn't stop there! He's also a bisexual, frolicking, poop-collecting, dumb blond, who makes out with his invisible friend and is extremely gullible. Let's not forget that he also beats the crap out of Yuki, gets angered easily, and tries, but fails, at ignoring my truthful speeches._

Momiji huffed, grabbed Tohru's hand, and was about to escape. When, suddenly, the door swung close, and there was a locking noise.

"We're doomed!" Momiji cried.

The announcer's cackles echoed throughout the room.

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**Author's Notes: **Shit. That really sucked, didn't it? Ahh! Please don't be scared! I'm sure next chapter will be better! And if not, then I'm positive the chapter after Yuki's, which is Hatsuharu's, will be funnier. Oh, God, I hope so. For your sake, as well as mine.

Umm, please review. I need to know whether that was brutal... or not. I am hoping for the latter, of course.

Eep, I suppose I better duck - I don't want to be hit by those tomatoes or flames that people will throw me!

But, I did update... that counts for something, right? Right?

Okay, I'm going to go now. Please don't hurt me. Or murder me.

_Konnichiwa Minna_

P.S. Seriously, I really do apologise if this chapter sucks.

P.S.S. Thanks a lot to the following reviewers for reviewing the previous chapter:

- Ekaki

- Kashie

- Ducky1414

- mousecat

- Fox-Zodiac

- Tenpa-Neko

- NickyFox13

- Blue-Moon-Nights

- RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl

- Sugar Sprite

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS! I REALLY APPRECIATE THEM!!

Also, if I missed anyone's name, please tell me!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter, regardless of how much more worse it is than my other chapters.

Thank you for reading! And, if you do, reviewing!

:D


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